I'm going to blog about this even though I sound like a complete idiot.
I'm fed up of being called weird and shouted at by dad. I start to panic when something I don't think is "safe" is put on TV. For example mum put britain's got talent on, I used to love that show, but recently the whole being scared of illness crap has flared up really bad and I can't watch things like that on tv because it is so unpredictable. I can watch it on my own because I can deal with it how I like, i can fast foward, hide, go out of of the room, go into a ball etc etc, with people I can't. So yeah mum put it on and i screamed and got up quickly and sat at the table. I don't know why I couldn't just make an excuse and go upstairs, I hadto make it obvious. idiot. My dad started shouting at me asking what it was about and started going "tell me what, what was that about... tell me... come on.... tell me weirdo... what was that abotu" I can't stand shouting, I cant stand being of something so stupid scared and letting it take over. I could cope just about in the early stages, I couldn't watch casulty, road wars things like that. But now, I cant watch things, I cant be around people, I hate travelling. I hate hate hate hate hate it.
Saturday, 24 April 2010
Friday, 16 April 2010
post pals
One of the most fantastic ideas have a look and maybe send something to make an ill child smile :)
www.postpals.co.uk
www.postpals.co.uk
Tuesday, 13 April 2010
Really pathetic ramble: Taekwondo
We were told last week (my first lesson back after the operation) that we have grading in 3 weeks. Now I know that I will not be ready for it, i mean my fitness has gone to pieces, I could only manage the first 20 odd minutes of the lesson before going to sit outside for the rest. I can't do sit ups or anything yet, I don't know why, recovery shouldn't take this long, im back running, but my taekwondo has gone to pieces. I can't remember patterns or anything, missed learning one of them. I have no idea if it is a defence thing, but I was getting the pains again, and thus getting really paranoid they didn't take the appendix out like they said, which i know is stupid. It just hurt doing it and basically my stomach muscles are awful, no idea why. *end rant about muscles and such*
About the grading, I am so angry at myself, I know, *know* I will not be able to do it, as it involves sit ups, knowing the patterns, theory, and it is a very tough work out for it, it really does take it out of you when you are healthy. I am so competitive and strive on not falling behind on things like this, I hate it when people who are at the same level as I am achieve more, and I know that the people on the same belt as me going up to the higher one, and me not, will make me feel like crap, I will end up wanting to quit.
I don't know what to do, I can't ask about it because he will think I am stupid when the answer is so obvious. I am not fit enough, I am not good enough.
Im screwed. I hate the fact I make a huge fuss over a small thing. I hate that I have wasted your time and feeling slightly sorry for myself/ being pathetic.
Hope all are well, sorry .
About the grading, I am so angry at myself, I know, *know* I will not be able to do it, as it involves sit ups, knowing the patterns, theory, and it is a very tough work out for it, it really does take it out of you when you are healthy. I am so competitive and strive on not falling behind on things like this, I hate it when people who are at the same level as I am achieve more, and I know that the people on the same belt as me going up to the higher one, and me not, will make me feel like crap, I will end up wanting to quit.
I don't know what to do, I can't ask about it because he will think I am stupid when the answer is so obvious. I am not fit enough, I am not good enough.
Im screwed. I hate the fact I make a huge fuss over a small thing. I hate that I have wasted your time and feeling slightly sorry for myself/ being pathetic.
Hope all are well, sorry .
Sunday, 11 April 2010
Saturday, 6 March 2010
Help please (blog related)
I keep getting these annoying square messages on my posts. Anyone know how to stop them? I have changed the password ages ago but just got an email saying I have another post, the square thing again, one can be seen on "hospital"
anoying, thanks in advance
anoying, thanks in advance
Friday, 12 February 2010
Hospital
hmm well I guess I should blog about this as it is a pretty significant thing that has happened!
This isn't going to be well written because I can't be bothered so yeah...
Tuesday I felt ill with severe stomach pains so was off school (started getting them on the bus monday night). Parents decided to take me to hospital tuesday night and there I stayed up until about an hour ago...
So basically went to the doctor lady and she done some tests then sent me up to the surgical assessment unit where they examined me and stole some bloods. They told me I had an appendicitus. Then I was escorted to a ward with 3 other people and they were all really nice :) I was then given some drugs and anti sickness which nearly made me faint ::) Erm, then what happened, oh I had to fast from midnight and had hardly eaten anything anyway, I fasted til 4pm, so for 16 hours ¬_¬ instead of 8. Then had to put on the gown, and was taken to surgery. They asked if I measured in cm or inches and I can't remember what else. I was woken up and in recovery and hurt loads. I remember being taken to the ward and seeing mum and dad on the way. I was all dopey from anaesthetic and felt so ill (but wasn't sick at all in hospital) apparently I was a pale green colour ::) It took 2 hours instead of 20 mins. It was key hole surgery which is basically 4 small wounds instead of one big one. I saw the picture of my insides XD
I learnt you lose ALL dignity and shizz. Yesterday I felt pretty poo as I still had some anaesthetic going around in me and had another faint feeling and sick feeling episode. By then all the nice people were gone, and 3 people I didn't know were there, 2 of which kept being sick. Erm, I was told my heart was too fast and that my heamoglobinz (no idea how to spell it and that looks nice) I had my blood stolen in the night and had pulse done every hour or so.They said I had hb of 8 or something, so have been given iron tablets and painkillers and said I was a bit aneamic. (sp?) I felt kinda ill most of the time but its out now and I am home, with proper food and stuff. I can't do things for like a month, but hey we're getting there :)
This isn't going to be well written because I can't be bothered so yeah...
Tuesday I felt ill with severe stomach pains so was off school (started getting them on the bus monday night). Parents decided to take me to hospital tuesday night and there I stayed up until about an hour ago...
So basically went to the doctor lady and she done some tests then sent me up to the surgical assessment unit where they examined me and stole some bloods. They told me I had an appendicitus. Then I was escorted to a ward with 3 other people and they were all really nice :) I was then given some drugs and anti sickness which nearly made me faint ::) Erm, then what happened, oh I had to fast from midnight and had hardly eaten anything anyway, I fasted til 4pm, so for 16 hours ¬_¬ instead of 8. Then had to put on the gown, and was taken to surgery. They asked if I measured in cm or inches and I can't remember what else. I was woken up and in recovery and hurt loads. I remember being taken to the ward and seeing mum and dad on the way. I was all dopey from anaesthetic and felt so ill (but wasn't sick at all in hospital) apparently I was a pale green colour ::) It took 2 hours instead of 20 mins. It was key hole surgery which is basically 4 small wounds instead of one big one. I saw the picture of my insides XD
I learnt you lose ALL dignity and shizz. Yesterday I felt pretty poo as I still had some anaesthetic going around in me and had another faint feeling and sick feeling episode. By then all the nice people were gone, and 3 people I didn't know were there, 2 of which kept being sick. Erm, I was told my heart was too fast and that my heamoglobinz (no idea how to spell it and that looks nice) I had my blood stolen in the night and had pulse done every hour or so.They said I had hb of 8 or something, so have been given iron tablets and painkillers and said I was a bit aneamic. (sp?) I felt kinda ill most of the time but its out now and I am home, with proper food and stuff. I can't do things for like a month, but hey we're getting there :)
Monday, 25 January 2010
Burns Night
so tonight is burns night, we are having a traditional scottish tea and I get to recite "address to a haggis"
should be a great night :)
should be a great night :)
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