We were told last week (my first lesson back after the operation) that we have grading in 3 weeks. Now I know that I will not be ready for it, i mean my fitness has gone to pieces, I could only manage the first 20 odd minutes of the lesson before going to sit outside for the rest. I can't do sit ups or anything yet, I don't know why, recovery shouldn't take this long, im back running, but my taekwondo has gone to pieces. I can't remember patterns or anything, missed learning one of them. I have no idea if it is a defence thing, but I was getting the pains again, and thus getting really paranoid they didn't take the appendix out like they said, which i know is stupid. It just hurt doing it and basically my stomach muscles are awful, no idea why. *end rant about muscles and such*
About the grading, I am so angry at myself, I know, *know* I will not be able to do it, as it involves sit ups, knowing the patterns, theory, and it is a very tough work out for it, it really does take it out of you when you are healthy. I am so competitive and strive on not falling behind on things like this, I hate it when people who are at the same level as I am achieve more, and I know that the people on the same belt as me going up to the higher one, and me not, will make me feel like crap, I will end up wanting to quit.
I don't know what to do, I can't ask about it because he will think I am stupid when the answer is so obvious. I am not fit enough, I am not good enough.
Im screwed. I hate the fact I make a huge fuss over a small thing. I hate that I have wasted your time and feeling slightly sorry for myself/ being pathetic.
Hope all are well, sorry .
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Hey lil sis.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I missed this post almost a week ago.
It isn't pathetic at all. Different people recover from surgery at different rates and I think you need to go easy on yourself.
What if one of your fellow Taekwondo-ers had his/her appendix out? Would you be angry at him/her if he/she couldn't do his/her grading? Would you tell him/her that he/she's is pathetic? I don't think so.
Even though appendix surgery happens everyday, it is still surgery. It comes with risks and it comes with a recovery time.
I hope you can give yourself some slack.
Take care lil sis.
xDFNx