I'm going to blog about this even though I sound like a complete idiot.
I'm fed up of being called weird and shouted at by dad. I start to panic when something I don't think is "safe" is put on TV. For example mum put britain's got talent on, I used to love that show, but recently the whole being scared of illness crap has flared up really bad and I can't watch things like that on tv because it is so unpredictable. I can watch it on my own because I can deal with it how I like, i can fast foward, hide, go out of of the room, go into a ball etc etc, with people I can't. So yeah mum put it on and i screamed and got up quickly and sat at the table. I don't know why I couldn't just make an excuse and go upstairs, I hadto make it obvious. idiot. My dad started shouting at me asking what it was about and started going "tell me what, what was that about... tell me... come on.... tell me weirdo... what was that abotu" I can't stand shouting, I cant stand being of something so stupid scared and letting it take over. I could cope just about in the early stages, I couldn't watch casulty, road wars things like that. But now, I cant watch things, I cant be around people, I hate travelling. I hate hate hate hate hate it.
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Hey my bestest lil sister,
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you're feeling all this anxiety.
But you're not weird, you're NOT stupid and you're definitely not alone! So many people suffer anxieties just like yours.
I think if your parents knew what was going on with you, that there was actually something scaring you, they'd be much more understanding.
I think when you just got up and left like that, it probably was hard for them to understand. But if you explained it, then they wouldn't think you're weird. They'd just think you were like the other millions of people who have anxieties.
And I know you have trouble talking to them or getting help but since they seem to be getting worse, I realyl hope you can talk to someone about them. Your parents. Or a professional.
These people know how to deal with anxieties. And it's not just like they're going to shove some drugs into you. They'll teach you techniques to be able to deal with your anxieties better. Breathing, calmly walking away, or even facing them.
I know this would ne so hard for you to get some help somewhere, but I swear in just a few sessions (maybe CBT or ACT or something)you'll be able to cope so much better.
In the meantime, please don't be so hard on yourself. People suffer anxieties, that's just how it is. It's not weird or stupid.
Take care sweetie. Talk soon I hope.
xDFNx